Saturday, May 27, 2006

i find the following article quite interesting


I think the role of the press in Singapore during the last few weeks have been written about ad nauseam. We all know that Singapore did not rank 140 out of 167 in the "Press Freedom Index" for nothing. Of course you have some minister who shamelessly defended the way we do things here and basically poo-bahed the report. Which is rather hypocritical considering how they often quote ad nauseam any international report or rating that gives us good grades; like PERC for example. Anyway, who the hell is
PERC anyway and how did they become "the standard"?

But I digress.

The performance of our local news media for the past few weeks have been dreadful. Instead of informing impartially, what they have succeeded in doing is pissed a lot of people off. And whatever credibility they have left is now in absolute tatters.

I will however refrain from commenting about the other language papers under SPH since I can't and don't read them. But from what I heard, some have managed to maintain some semblance of editorial independence while others are practically party mouthpieces.

Of course the temptation now is to crucify those responsible for this sorry state of affairs. And unfortunately, journalists and reporters are the first on the line.

Some have called them traitors, while others have basically demanded that those who still hold some shred of journalistic integrity take a moral stand and quit.

However, I would like to caution that while it is easy to point fingers and scream blue murder, one has to be a bit more understanding and sympathetic.

I believe most (if not all) reporters and journalists are intelligent people with integrity. Of course there are those who fail to pass muster and are basically government apologists and propagandists.

Based on anecdotal evidences, even though a lot of them have strongly wanted to write the truth and report what they see, they have been somewhat arm-twisted to write the way we read and watch it for the last few weeks. On top of that, you also have the editorial staff who decides what sees the light of day and what doesn't.

Now to ask them to take a moral stand and quit is not being realistic at all. I mean seriously. Would you ask someone to quit if his or her rice bow depended on his or her job? On top of that, a lot of them may have families that depend on their livelihood and to just quit like that is very unrealistic.

Of course one can always say that they can look for another job to survive. But I am sure most of us who have been working for a long time now know how hard it is to look for another job at the same or higher pay. And when you come to a somewhat niche occupation like journalism in Singapore, where else can you get another job? Practically all the papers and news channels are either owned or controlled by the government. Piss them off with your "journalistic integrity" and you can kiss your occupation in Singapore good-bye.

That's what the MM meant when he branded young Singaporeans as idealistic and who would be co-opted into the system once they grew up. What it basically means is once you're hooked into the system, your balls are in their hands. In everyday terms, once you're an adult who has to work to live, you're in their hands.

Every damn thing in your life requires money. You need money for transport. And you need money just to eat and live. Without it, you're fucked. There is no plot of land in Singapore where you can grow your own food. You can't just step out of the system and expect to survive. So in a way, all of us, including the reporters and journalists are held hostage to the system. Why do you think the government has stopped imprisoning political enemies and instead sue them to bankruptcy? No money, no honey.

Of course if the journalist is still young, he or she can just leave Singapore and continue his or her profession in a freer country, or try something totally different. But that is not a possibility for a lot of Singaporeans who may have family or older parents who depend on them.

So then who's to blame? At first, I was inclined to think that the fault lies with the editors and the management team. But then again, most of them probably face the same sort of dilemma as the reporters themselves, and whose stakes are probably even higher. Save for a few ass-kissing "consorts" lah.

Of course some of you may say, "But reporters in other countries risk their lives to tell the truths, what more our own reporters?" That, I can't answer. Different countries with different scenarios present different possibilities and risks. And one's appetite for risk is not the same as someone else in another country. Over there, they celebrate these heroes. Over here, we disdain what we consider futile martyrdom.

I think it all comes down to one thing. The way our government, or should I say, the PAP controls the press. This is the cause of our sad state of affairs that began from the days of LKY. Unless this is changed, nothing will change. There's no point blaming the reporters for absconding from their duty to us, the people of Singapore.

But of course this in no way absolves them of their "guilt" lah. By virtue of their jobs, they are tarnished already. I don't know how much they can do or what ingenious ways they can use to circumvent these restrictions. But they really need to try to salvage what's left of their integrity. As it is, their reputation among their peers in this region and the world at large is really quite terok already. And when it comes to reputation and integrity, it really is a bottomless pit; there is no "so low that the only way to go is up".


i think this video is quite cute


Thursday, May 25, 2006

wonder if its just a matter of coincidence

Jenny was from china
Jenny was a graduated from Nan Da uni... she was a lecturer at nan jing uni. 2 yrs back... she gave up everything she has built thr... uprooted herself and came over to singapore to accompany her husband, has been giving chi tuition to pri and sec sch kids.... and decided to go into the finance sector even though she knows limited amount of eng


the lecturer was handicapped but managed to stand on his '2 feets' again
he had a severe illness 10 yrs back which caused his leg to be amputated. took him 6 yrs to progress from crawling to walking again... today he looks normal moving about with his clutches


Mr James majors in ACC and finance
he graduated from NUS during 1975. originally only with a ACC degree... he worked as a auditor for 5 yrs b4 furthering his studies in australia.... finished his finance studies there... came back singapore, worked in the bank and later proceeded on to be a VP of one of the private uni here


do you see the similarity betw me and the 3 ppl mentioned above?

jenny is like christmas past... showing a reflection how insensitive i was.
i used to detest ah tiongs... seeing them as just money suckers... but the person sitting next to me today taught me that in life... there is really nth to feel prud and arrogant about.
and marked my words... anybody who should be given the rights to look down on locals... its her.

she told me that she used to look down on the ppl working with her in the uni she taught at. didn't even feel that any of them was worth talking to...
simply becos she was the only one who graduated from NAN DA which was considered a uni which only the top 0.1 % of the china population who can qualify for.
but when she came over to singapore 2 yrs back... she felt she had nth to be proud of cos she doesn't even know how to speak eng.... she realise there are so many things a person might know which you won't know... so who are u to say that u are smarter and dictate someone else's life

i was quite ashamed of myself.
1) cos i used to detest ah tiongs simply cos i got cheated by them

2) i used to have this mindset that hiyah... this person not worth talking to.
i won't deny that i am still having this prob now... so i am learning to accept everyone.


james is just like a projection of wat i will want to be in future.
i always thought my thinking was real crude... like sth the government will not allow.

after the accident... i sat down.. thought of wat i wanted to do in future

so this was wat i planned out

1) finish my degree in ntu

2) work for a few yrs, earn enough money

3) leave everything behind, travel with the money i have for maybe 5 yrs or so, give back to the world by teaching at orphanage... telling the foreigners bout my life so far then start from grd zero in another country

4) finish studying for another degree b4 settling down... or if i hit the age of 55 by then... still no one wants me by then... i may consider jsut cycling round the globe for rest of my life.

not a normal route one will take right?
well thats me.... just gald that mr james make my route more feasible today



Mr Ezy made me felt at ease in class. and well...for many days, weeks, mths to come

i realised thr is nth wrong with how i look....why shd i keep avoiding the public.
thr is no need to tell me how great u were b4 the accident...or try making ppl understand why u do wat u do... cos only ppl who are adventurous.... open minded will strike a conversation with someone who thinks the same way
i thank him for telling me not to give up on my dreams.... cos it is wat makes life complete.

i just need the advice to come from someone who was in my shoes b4.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Quiz
Quiz
SHOULD YOU BE ALIVE?

3= Congratulations! You're a survival expert. You're prepared, levelheaded in a crisis and able to deal with extreme conflict with ease. You should feel comfortable in the wilderness.

1. You're hiking on an elevated mountain ridge when suddenly a boulder dislodges, pinning you against a rock wall. You:

Stay calm and ask your hiking buddy to grab a branch and pry the boulder off.
Have been hiking alone and try your cell phone to call a park ranger.
Find yourself ill prepared with no supplies, no help and scream your head off.

2. While skiing you unwittingly set off an avalanche that engulfs you, leaving you buried in a mound of snow. You:

Become panicked and begin to hyperventilate.
Stay calm because you know you are prepared with a personal GPS device.
Are distressed, but calmly begin to dig in the direction you think is out.

3. While you're deep-sea fishing off the coast of Mexico, your small fishing boat is suddenly caught in a squall and capsizes. You:

Never took swimming lessons, can't tread water and didn't wear your life jacket.
Regret not preparing but kick off your shoes & rig makeshift flotation devices.
Keep a level head. You're glad you wore a life jacket and grab the flares.

4. While taking a leisurely after-dinner stroll in your hillside neighborhood, you encounter a mountain lion. You:

Stop, make yourself appear larger by picking up a branch and defend yourself.
Scream "Cougar!" Then run in the opposite direction.
Back away slowly and try to calmly talk the animal into submission.

5. Snorkeling in St. Croix, you stop to adjust your mask, step on a poisonous lionfish, and cut yourself on sharp coral. What do you do?

Immediately swim to shore and call an ambulance.
Continue swimming and hope the pain will subside.
Try to suck the poison out, struggle to stay afloat and bleed in open water.

6. Camping in Yosemite, you encounter an angry bear with two curious cubs. You ...

Talk to the bear calmly and give her food.
Turn and run.
Stay calm; make eye contact; grab your pepper spray and blast the bear.

7. Visiting Joshua Tree National Park, you are walking a trail when a rattlesnake bites you. What do you do?

Suck out the venom with your mouth.
Use the suction device in your snakebite kit to suck out the poison & get help.
Go on with your hike. Snake handlers are bitten all time.

8. Your small twin-engine plane goes down in a snowstorm and you land in a frigid mountain snowbank. You:

Happen to have a pocketknife, waterproof matches and start a fire for the night.
Stay with the plane and wrap yourself in blankets.
Go on a hunt for food in the blizzard, leaving the plane behind.

9. Vacationing with your family in Hawaii, you catch a wave with your surfboard, but are then dragged under by a shark. You:

Scream and thrash, causing a loud commotion.
Maintain your calm, fight the shark off with a firm punch & swim to shore.
Struggle to stay above water, finally breaking free to retrieve your surfboard.

10. Golfing in South Carolina you stumble upon an alligator in a sand trap. You:

Throw pinecones at it to see if it's alive.
Back away slowly and move to another location.

a new beginning

things are getting on for a start...

after doing wat i should have done long ago...
kicking myself in the butt running at 31 km at 12 noon to suffer under the scotching sun,remind ing myself nv to be so selfless and foolish again,

i got a call from NTU today

I got into ACC

i don't know wat you guys did... but thx.

one thing i know... it wasn't luck

and ya... it might have been my hard work but it was your acceptance of me in the team and helping me find out who i really am

...good luck for 'tour of IRAN'

and thx bernard for the party yest.

the nasi lemak was real cool stuff. couldn't help it but i have to finish all the rice and ikan bilis.


anyway
its real funny to see all your team mates with thier little ones.
and u aren't with any

bernard junior is so cute... walking around side to side... sucking his first lolli pop...
the 2 little johnny are really pretty.. the elder one had the mobic look... and the cleopatra hair...
the younger one- fair skin...big eyes... u just can't take your eyes off her.

the 2 little melvyn were real active too.

was quite shock to see ah peng with 3 kids...
i always thought he was a newly wed or doesn't have any children

i am quite sure the little ones have seen each other at many occasions... macham faminly members...cos little bernard was ignoring all his cousins... and was playing with them instead.



i really admire them for living such a beautiful life so far... managing a family, work and still doing wat they love to do

when they are not with thier family... they are like normal group of guys....having fun... growing a belly....

best part... some were friends since the age of 13....

means to say they have seen each other grew up... break up... flunk exams...get married.... give birth... when they were younger... besides cycling they played badminton together... swim... go disco.... and now they are going to organise a trip to the zoo for thier little ones!

they are so much diff from my perception of singaporeans

after dealing with so many 30 + 40 + yr old NS men... (close to 600) my perception of a typical grown up singaporean life is work... go home... slp...complain... and the routine carries on and on, like an animal. it doesn't help when almost every grown up i meet will complain to me," u know how singapore si so stress." and seriously... i think they always make themselves so stress out till they end up mocking at others to fill up the ego within them


but...
it was so diff yest.

from thier wives conversation with one another... thier children's affection towards one another....

i knew the whole grp have came a long way

it was real funny when johnny's wife told me not to worry bout my scar cos she had seen worse one...

then bogay cut in and started talking about how he and johnny took part in a race 20 yrs back...
he fell off the bike... hurt himself... and johnny's wife(then his girlfriend) was treating his wound... and johnny was so angry, he didn't talk to her for days.

i am real glad to know you guys...

every single moment of cycling... slacking at petrol kiosk... at the shop... hotel.... and now... the little ones' B day.

happy B day to pinky (opps forgot her name... but everything bout her is pink... her clothes... her room... so i will call her pinky)... guess wat... she is borned on 22th Apr... day b4 me...

so if fiona... my nanny at work can't celebrate her b day with me (she is borned on 23th APr by the way)... i will crash pinky's party... so thick skin hoh.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

today is soft rock sat!

la la la

i love soft rock weekends


i just wish i have SCV now... can catch a game of soccer or tennis rather than play godfather.

so i decide to go for a run/tan later heh



when the mind is idle... it starts to think too much
d
o you guys think its good or bad for the mind to be idle?


recently... i have been experiencing more and more problems with my friends....
not that i having problems with them.... more like they having problems with me

but funny thing is that i still feel i am still the same... still the steven 1 yr back... 1 yr forward.

neh i shd change the words....

the steven today knows how to take care of his well being... not that i get to less accidents... but i take care of myself emotionally.... like i just can't be bothered by poor insensitive comments of others.

rememeber the tennis advertisement on CNA... sometimes its only better to hear the good things.

i am sad that i am blamed for something which is not my fault which brought back hell lots of issues.

and dear mr drew... here is wat i have to say

sth which i nv bring the courage to say b4

i am quite put off when u told me everything started off from the day of your b day.

for your info

i was the one who thought of the present. you think its easy... wanna know how many mag i flip... talk to how many ppl b4 getting it? even if you like it or not... cos you must develop the photos and stuff... i only thought it will be the best present for you.

i don't mind if no appreciation is showed for the present or the fact that i really drag myself to your b day celebration even though i don't wanna meet the rest matters to you

but i feel cheated when u say that it is cos of that very day that i start to be the receiving end for all your shit

if i am really your good friend from the start... i really thought u will think more highly of me then to think of the most superficial reason of why initially... i couldn't be there early as u wanted me to be

if you say that you are holding the grudge cos of that incident...

how about someone bearing all the suaning and stuff every single time.... dragging myself to be thr in the grp even though i start to hate every single moment of it

i like it when its just u alone.
when in a grp of girls... you just make a 180 degrees change... you are just not sensitive bout lots of stuff

which is freaking disgusting at times


ye you are right bout that pt... i am too selfless.

i shd think of myself more

i shd have done the thing i should have done a long way back

i shd have listened to ronnie yap and friends

i just try too hard

i shd have known when enough is enough






Friday, May 19, 2006

i just have to do this

everyone vote for raymond!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

someone on msn told me....

den after that they w*** off

they spend an entire day in confession box...

confirm got some c**shots on the door


dun believe..


one day u visit rome...


go to a cathedral..


and sneak into the confession box.. the half where the priest sits

confirm got a poster of home alone


this is damn corny



match starting in an hour time

might be pires and henry last game with arsenal.

if not wrong... reyes may go too...

but can't be la... i am hallucinating

but arsenal doesn't look like its in a good shape.


face off betw ronaldino and henry... the 2 greatest players
can't wait for it to start

just a hour more

i had a very funny conversation with li ren just now

melancholy, maybe says:
eh

melancholy, maybe says:
this morning i saw a guy walking around bedok hawker

melancholy, maybe says:
carrying a tennis raquet tt looks like u

wah lau... damn sad... means after so many yrs my shoulders still very small...



melancholy, maybe says:
from the back i mean

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
ya me la

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hahah

melancholy, maybe says:
cuz i tot he was wearing tpjc shorts

TP shorts is a great way to identify ppl

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hahaha

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
sorry too poor

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
no other shorts

melancholy, maybe says:
rich enuff for a raquet

melancholy, maybe says:
not enuff for shorts

tennis slothes not cheap le.... shorts $35 shirt $30

melancholy, maybe says:
yes

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
yah i poor fart

melancholy, maybe says:
(shorts cost that much nowadays ah)

melancholy, maybe says:
haha

melancholy, maybe says:
anyways

melancholy, maybe says:
i wear tpjc shorts all the time

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
of cos

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
the 4 letter word damn hip

i love 4 letter words....


melancholy, maybe says:
yes

melancholy, maybe says:
haha

melancholy, maybe says:
going for tennis with hot chick rite

eh hot date with an uncle... more like it

melancholy, maybe says:
anwyays

melancholy, maybe says:
www.legsoneverest.com

melancholy, maybe says:
in case u might wana get back into cycling
melancholy, maybe says:
heres some encouragement

the site looks like AIA webby hahhha.
anyway its cool stuff... thx.

melancholy, maybe says:

=P
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
wah!
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hahaha
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
ok thz
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
u are so sweet
melancholy, maybe says:
omfg

i just love the way he says it

melancholy, maybe says:
please dont say u're gay
melancholy, maybe says:
cuz i definately am bloody homophobic

hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hahaha
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
wah thats a good word
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hahaha
melancholy, maybe says:
thank you
hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
u meet a lot ah
melancholy, maybe says:
why will a gay have it with a girl den
melancholy, maybe says:
no
melancholy, maybe says:
not really
melancholy, maybe says:
but enuff
melancholy, maybe says:
to make me sick

so after talking to jirmy and li ren at same time.

i came to a conclusion....

marists ppl are totally homophobic hahahaa

tolerance level is 0.


Jins- definitely cannot stand gay. he claims he kanna stalk b4.

jirmy- nv turn on by my advances

Li ren- hahah i remember he did not attempt a wall back in TP cos he wan't wearing undies....and thought the person standing below him was gay

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

me and my faith

today's 'mind your body' had a very disturbing article.

it reads "My Special Child-Bitter Sweet Laughter"

The girl-symphony was diagnosed with Angelman syndrome when she was a baby.


Its a kind of illness which slows down the baby's growth.

as the child grows up, he/ she will exp speech impairment, motor delay, movement seizure and behavioural uniqueness.... and she will have exceptional happiness or excitemeny, hyperactivism and short attention span.

in short... she looks like a happy child to everyone but she is actually suffering within.

i feel quite uneasy by the way the mother react to the illness.

as written in the newspaper-
" i get angry and depressed at the thought that i was born to suffer bitterness all my life while my daughter is here to enjoy life with ppl looking after. the buddhist says-Karma is the word-you pay for sins of your previous life. so have we done something bad to symphony previously to deserve our current lives?"

in short

disgusting

how can a parent think in such a manner.

when i first read article, i wanted to call up the newspaper to tell them of their poor quality control of wats written in it.

its even more saddening to hear of a grown up blaming the world for wat she been thru.


and i ponder on the question of faith again

one thing i nv acknowledge myself for being a buddhist becos i somehow feel quite turn off by the way the religion portrays itself.

every chi new yr.... u see tons and tons of chi around the world rushing into the temple to put the 1st joss stick, cos legend has it that the 1st person who puts the joss stick will be blessed with good luck.
how true is that? i only know that end of it all... there are bound to be ppl dying under a stanpede caused by the crowd rushing to be the 1st.

then.... it comes the praying part.
thr is always this saying... if u have bad luck... u have poor health... pray to guangyin and she will bless you.

when i was younger... i always ask my mom," if everyone pray to guang yin... why everyone still so poor?"

and when i was older... i wanted to own the temple one day. why? cos i heard that thier takings for donation in a day is as high as $1 million.


why i don't agree with how this religion is portrayed to me is as such-

unlike muslims and christians who ahve classes held for teaching of its principles, mine doesn't come with this package.
christians were baptised at birth... i just need to go temple to give donations... burn some papers... hear some chantings and presto... i am a buddhist

and worse still.. the older generations like to leave every thing to fate.

and most are not friendly. they will not do anything if it does them no good.

and when sth goes wrong... they will say,' haiz... pay back for my previous life."

and the best part... when there is a grand festival and i am made to go to the temple... u always see angry faces all around.

the crowd is so big... the squeezing and jostling is just like queueing up to get past the malaysia immigration pt.

shouldn't anything to do with religion be a happy affair?

if it doesn't make you a better person... doesn't take you away from your hectic life and make you ponder or think of stuff... then i think spending time thr serves no purpose at all

and as you know... i don't and never believe that my life is in the hands of someone i don't see.

no offence to anyone out there


so thats why i am not a good follower of my religion cos i am not convinced by everything done thr

kind to think of it... maybe its cos buddhism is made of ppl who are from the older generation.
they are not educated... they don't read philosophy and stuff... the only guidance they get is from friends at mahjong sessions or ppl at wet market

not being part of the globalisation train.. they are less receptive to changes and like everything the old way...

they do things for the sake of getting it done... they nv see the big picture
perhaps thats why they still believe in all the old beliefs.


i was quite happy when newspaper reported last week that there are more more youths who learn and study buddhism.

at least it shows there is goodness in it. :) and i hope to learn more bout it one day.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Godfather rocks

and i say again... this game rocks!

its like the movie....

real cool.... and it kinda fulfill my childhood ambition of being part of the family.

best part... you get to control wat you do.
steal your mate's gf
threaten the shopkeeper for family....
take over the turf of other ppl

like the movies...

its real cool! love it lots


so i am real busy at home now...

being playing PS 2 day in day out..... watching soccer and tennis.....

the only thing which will bring me out of my house is my tennis lesson

i love my tennis coach.

did i tell you that he teaches jason and raymond too.

raymond is such a bitch... he ask me to play tennis with him and a chio friend of his.

but i suck in it... so the game will have to wait

my god.... i can't wait to meet raymond....

it has been a long time since he poke my ass with all his crap...

he promise to go shopping with me this thurs...
apparently he has to go shop for working attire too!


anyway i am real proud of my arsenal team....

with John terry as my RB

toure my LB

mid field consisting of pires... ljunberg....berkhamp... gilberto....


i can play liverpool winning formation....

3- 5 - 2.....

yeah... liverpool roX!

actually only steven gerald....

he is a really remarkable player...

so much so that i tried to bid for him even though i think he wouldn't contribute much to my team

but liverpoool won't release him!!

thats good la...liverpool would be mad to sell him away.


finally someone who makes my name kewl!

i hate the new straitstime interactive webby...

how to promote a reading habit in singaporeans if one has to pay just to access your webby.

weirdo webby.

oh well as yest was Mother's day... there were a number of nice articles in the 'think' section which i wanted to cut and paste for all of you out there who happen to miss or do not have access to yest newspaper... but well...

anyway
i just watched finish trans america....

quite a turn off...
i know its R21...
i know its controversial...
but my expectation wasn't high at all...
no way it wouldn't reach my mark...

and with those relunctant takes of carrots dangling around.... its really quite gross.
real cheap gay porn production

i don't really understand the storyline.

its a road trip of a boy and his father(who is a trans)
so i was really pondering on this question.....
why will the father have sex with his ex if he is gay?

i might accept the fact that he keeps thinking that he is a gal and just wanna have some lesbian fun with the girl...

but...why insert his carrot in...

totally confusing
maybe i really don't understand homosexuality at all.

someone pls enlighten me
i must say its not woth $9.50... if i were to watch the cinema... i would have choosen LIDO and a seat near the toilet.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

back from KL ( supposedly Sentosa to my mom)

anyway was real fun.... was a 2 days trip... minus off almost 1 whole day of travelling... we actually only spent 1 day thr.

I love every part of the travelling actually.... esp from the start when Jin and drew just talk all the way while i sat alone by the window.

i just miss the wild...the highways.... the long winding roads with no lampposts.... everthing just reminds me of the roadtrips up to malaysia i had with schoders.

this was a journey i knew i had to make... was glad it was with Jin and drew.


The hostel we stayed in was real cool... the guy who greeted us at the entrance... a canadian dude was real funny.

he is one of the tenants by the way... and he just keeps going 'i don't know... i don't know... which was real cute.'

and his GF is totally hot... haven't seen such beauty for a long while... and cos of her... i am gonna start flossing my teeth



Zouk was errr fun....
k the music sucks...
the crowd wasn't a fun bunch too....
best part of it all... the place was raided by the police.

the long island tea was too strong for jin...
he konked out... ha k i was damn bad... took a few shots with him at his most unglam moments... sardist man


i didn't feel the effect of the drink....
maybe all those drinking sessions with ronnie yap really does wonders to your alcohol tolerance



went sunway lagoon the next day.. which was damn freaking ex.... its gonna be really once in a life time... no way am i gonna ever go back thr'

we took only 4 rides... these 4 rides include taking one of the rides twice.
the rest of the rides... which is like actually only one other ride needed us to pay additional RM 10 for a float... which wasn't worth it... so we decided to gve it a miss.

caught a glimpse of Asian X games

wanted to stay for the stunt bike segment...

but oh well... wouldn't want the devil in me to run wild after all the stunts... so didn't stay for it

went to the night market to do last minute shopping... glad drew and jin got wat they wanted.

at least it was a wasted effort thr.

i wonder why everytime i go to that place....
i always on't have the urge to spend money....
there is only one thing i spend on....

heh

as usual... all my DVDs....

enough to last me 2 mths b4 i go thr again.


i was borned to be a tyrant

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

just not fated

just when i thought i wld be busy... wrong again!

plans crushed once again... oh well i am used to it already

so the doc told me today that i need to go for operation on the 24th May.


there goes my road trip with drew.... there goes my tour de italy.


real sulky now.

i just keep silent the whole day. the only positive side of the whole episode is that it made me just wanna prove myself that i control my destiny... i will not be angry if i don't want to be angry... i will not pout over sth not worth while.

i just feel like tearing sth up.


somehow i really miss army...

i just miss the solitude.

i am just weird.... i am a person who suffers pain in silence... i don't like to share with anyone else

looking at how my mum's eyes water when she see thru the sadness in me just made me wanna end my life once and for all.

sometimes i really wonder... why am i so different from normal people.

my pop thinks i am mad... calls me siao kia quite regularly nowadays.
sometimes it gets real hurting... till i just can't be bothered by him anymore.

i'm just so sketical bout love... god and every beautiful things ard me now.

i came to a conclusion that i lost the flame in me... the passion and desire to achieve wat i want.

i am just crushed.

nv regret the things which happen in the past cos they make up who you are today.

drew says this statement is cliche...

ye thats true... but don't you think its nice to preserve the innocence in yourself and see life in a dreamer mode.

my bro said sth which left me puzzled with wat i am doing now.

no drew... he did not scare me with my muscles... my bro is a real nice guy... yest alone we spent 3 hrs talking to each other.... beatin the amt of time we talk to one another add up 13-20 yrs old. so i think its a real achievement there

anyway a friend of his is now training to be a financial planner at HSBC...A course which i am taking now.

so i am taking that course too... but have yet to enter uni.

ye... it may be good for my future... but frankly... i don't find a joy in what i am doing now.

i go out real happy that it is a brand new day....

work.... talk with collegues....

but end of day
i just dread coming home

i'm really not enjoying myself.

quite sad.... ppl say once u are out of army... life is good.

for me... life is getting worse.

i told drew on mon that i feel like going back to serve.



this is just not my kind of life... working just for the sake of money...

and i hate taking public transport... no its not cos i have to stand all the way.... or rub shoulders with indians...

i just hate to see the faces of ppl.

k everyone knows that majority of ppl work for 2 reasons:

1) to support the family

2) no work, no money

so u always see grumpy old faces in the train cos everyone will rather stay home and rot.

so sad at end of day... when you work and don't enjoy yourself... you are just wasting your life away.
well thats my feeling

diff from govt view of everyone working hard together
so maybe thats why i am really really not fit to be a citizen here

it just cross my mind
the day my mom leaves my side will be the day i gonna just leave civilisation... leave everything behind... be a monk or sth.... maybe be like the dude form motorcycle dairies... just go to a third world country and make it a better place in every way possible.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

rubbish output from things i study

suddenly...

i feel quite taxed from now to June

22 MAY - Road trip with Drew

4 June - Italy

as usual.... parents not happy i am going aboard... oh well...


think they will have to live with it.

and my mom always say she will be worried for me

but in fact, she worries about anything to do with outdoor stuff...

sometimes i really wanna rebuke... but she's real nice to me all the time, so i just can't bring myself to do it.

when i decided to join track in JC, she said," don't la, dangerous... wait leg break how?"

when i decided to be a commander in the army, she said," don't la, wait the men drive u crazy."

when i learn windsurfin, she said," don't la, wait current wash you away."

when i go rock climbing, she said," don't la, wit u too heavy your friend let go rope." ya this i believe her.... first day with drew nearly caused me to pass on at age of 20

and..... k i shall not comment about cycling.

ok... at least she likes the diea that i
am taking up tennis.
until sat, with that blood clot thingy... she thinks tennis is dangerous now

recently... newspapers reported that many athletes die in midst of sports which made my parents more paraniod.

i really think the newspapers should not over publicise all these sport accidents cos it's causing a hysterical hoo ha amongst the public.

maybe they should start reporting on the people who commit suicide everyday.

like why they even attempt it.

u realise singaporeans commit suicide for many reasons...


Debt.... marriage....loneliness for the older ppl

and for the young ones...studies... relationship.... and recently small sexual organs

ye u got that right... the taboo phase... recently a RJ student jumped down from a HDB flat near my place, giving BEdok a name finally. i wonder why he choose to end his life at such an unglam area... he doesn't even stay around here or study around here....if wanna commit suicide... do it in the sea la....(declare your love for your GF and stuff...)

SINGAPOREAN'S carrot very small meh? i feel like asking that fellow... how big is your fellow rafflsian's ones??? shd find out tell the world, make a contribution in sci research b4 you die mah. if your girlfriend think it is small, she probably slept with other guys or indulge in porn to know that fact.... hers also cannot compare with ang mo's wat! so its equal.

in my opinion... lots of social qualms exist today cos ppl are not satisfied with thier lives. they simply love to compare.

they like to feel rich so they rather go on debt... buy big house and car when they know they can't afford it.
very nice to have big house meh? you do more cleaning wat. you want to use it to show...
there are lots of ways to compete wat.... engage in some sports...see who can eat more burgers in an hour...

and 1 thing i can't stand are those poser smokers... so obvious they don't know or don't like to smoke... i just hate it.

i feel we should nv compare our lives or model our lives to others.
God make us special and lovable in different ways.
so we should enjoy the traits that we possess.


i got such good insight of life right... which makes me wonder why my mom still worries for me.
she shd be happy i nv go clubbing or smoke, or question my carrot's size.


anyway....
this is a top secret info that i wanna share with you...
if your SG GF thinks your carrot not up to standard.... don't be sad... don't cry... just be ready to fork out $500 to change your life altogether

no its not a carrot enhancer...

its not massage cream

its a trip to thailand!
yes boys... our goods are well liked in Thailand.... the girls thr might be lying... it might be for the money... but everyone says it.. so why not believe it.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

i decided to clean my room today.

after 3 weeks of exam... it looked as if it was hit by a bad storm


anyway thx mel and drew for paying me a visit yest!!

sorry mel for being such a bore and a no-linker(if thr is such a word) cos watever i said didn't make sense yest.

this happens when u have a turban wrapped around your head

wat i like bout the turban- i can comfort myself for not studying even though my next test is on thurs.- cos the turban GIVES ME A HEADACHE!!!! the only thing i can do is play winning eleven and watch all the movies i have been dying to watch all mth.

wat i detest bout the turban-
i cannot play badminton with drew today :(
i cannot go for my tennis lessons tmr :(

and no...
i did not purposefully(is thr such a word... Army always use one) wear on a turban.
i have a bloot clot on my forehead

yes mel... i am injury prone....

haiz.... why must i always be associated with hospitals... injuries....blood... accidents???

thr is nv one sport i nv get injury from.


maybe its a sign for me to just stop all sports....sit on the couch and grow fat

Saturday, May 06, 2006

was talking to sara...
so sad... nv get into accountancy....


hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
hhah don't worry can still see u mah


hypocrisy is a tribute vice pay to virtue says:
only scared u don't want see me


=) ever sat upside down on a puffy cloud? says:
ya

=) ever sat upside down on a puffy cloud? says:
but i want u to do sth u interested in mah


=) ever sat upside down on a puffy cloud? says:
crazy boy


=) ever sat upside down on a puffy cloud? says:
u are my CUTE 85****6 H leh



till today.... she can still remember my IC number and roughly my house address...
even my old HP no.

hahah i wonder why all our brains are wired differenly.
like drew can remember all the crap stuff... and it stops there... nth else

i can only remember things which happened to me when i was really really young.

and ppl like sara have selective memory.

anyway went out with loverboy yest.

thx for the shirt... muaks! i love it so so much

didn't expect him to be the one who was wearing the cool converse shoes i was going gaga over with raymond last yr.

a long time ago...
raymond," those shoes are damn cool la"

me," ya i wanted to commit day light robbery in 969."

anyway loverboy was just goddess.. his tight muscles and nice face features just made heads turn where ever we go. i suddenly understand wat ben means by girls have eyes on side of the head.

anyway shopping was fun. lucky he stop me from buying the pair of sandals from zara.. think of it now... it was quite gross looking....
haiz only one shirt yest... so sad
must ask lover boy to go shopping with me more often heh heh


anyway

a few shout outs!
sharoN!!!! whr have u been???

drew!!! when playing tennis???

jason!!! when u joining me for lessons!!

Raymond!!! when is our next outing???

Ivor, sherm and the rest of gang!!!
we meeting to watch the big game on 17 MAY NOT!!!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

blinded


drew wrote this on his blog


scar = dig


ok my dear stevie boy.. i have proven philadel's point that chicks dig scars. so you have no reason to hide from your supposed flaws but rather you should embrace them wholeheartedly.

because chicks do dig scars.

so i went down to chapter 2, and asked for your dear fyn. hmm, she isn't that ugly. or at least you had my expectations so low that she kinda surpassed it. in fact, she's kinda cool, in a wicked/gothic kinda way.

so she asked when was the last time i came.. and i said you were the one who recommended this place.

*in chinese*
"steven? err.. which steven? i have alot of clients named steven.."

and so began our interesting stylist-client conversation. which wasn't that great. and since she only conversed in chinese.. i was having a really hard time.

till i mentioned that you were the one who wanted to open a hair salon next time.

her eyes lit up. her face flushed. her red hair shone like the morning sun. her hands trembled. her lips quivered.
and to quell the those immediate natural responses to the remembrance of you, she tried real hard to appear nonchalant.

*in chinese*
"orhh... that one ah. yah yah.. i remember him. hee hee."

woah. haven't seen a girl that excited for so long.

first thing she mentioned: that you were in an accident.

see the link?
accident = scars.
scars = dig
dig = remembrance

dude. from that moment on.. the focal point of the conversation was you.

she didn't dig me from the onstart. not because of my small eyes. or my pock marks which give me character. or my shaggy hair.
she simply didn't dig me because i didn't have scars.

and once a girl sees a scar... there's simply no turning back.

embrace them nigga! embrace.

the scar maketh the man.

hmm.. maybe i shouldn't let weiling see you anymore.
better safe than sorry.


i can only conclude that he can be so sweet sometimes

thx i know this is your attempt to get me out in the sunlight.
that was real sweet

anyway i went out with a dick yest.

to think i spend 4 mth in training with him

i pity the gal who broke up with him


he is such a fako...
such a pretender....
i really wanna puke my guts out when i think of him now.