pain

I just argued with my parents...more like my mom
over some stupid money issues

why does my temper flare up over such matters

man its time i support myself and stop taking money from them man which i have been trying to do for very long

its very queer.... my mom will always give me money without me asking... some times i will reject it saying i have enough to spend which is not trure but i feel good bout it....sometimes i will gladly accept it... causing me to feel guilty there after.. sometimes i just pray she will just forget to pass me money even when she wants to so that i will not have mix feelings there after

my mother is so sweet! i love her lots
she is the kind of parent every child will be jealous of
she will always offer me money... when i really really need money and have to ask her... she nv ask why and will just pass me the money
she nv question who i going out with or why am i always out so late... cos she always says she trust me and my judgement

so i am really really guilty for how i behaved just now

man its all about this stupid driving test tmr... well thats one of the factors
i hate driving and the ppl on the rd
i have seen so many of my friends' temper rise cos of driving... sux man...
so didn't show interest in it all from the start
the only reason why i took up driving was cos my mom really really wants me to drive her and dad round the island one day...
i wanna do it b4 they grow real old man
its like they always wanted to sit in my car
and i really wanna take them round the island and neighbouring countries if possible showing them whr i have been on the bike

sadly i have exam phobia.... all the way from the start of my sch life... the only major exam i excelled in was the PSLE

another factor is that i am running short of time
sch term is gonna start in july....
i am frankly real scared of wat lies ahead... i tried applying all self help tips like planning for the future... askin myself why i am so scared of the future... but it just doesn't help

i wanna cycle... i wanna study
but who is going to be my gold mine once i am out of army man? i will not have money for maintainence like spare tubes... change wheel and stuff anymore.... overseas competition... who is going to sponser me?

i won't wanna get any money from my parents... its not right.... like they are paying for my pleasure.... i am enjoying my passion in life while they are slogging hard at work

is it true that in singapore... you can nv pursue your passion in life?

i really wanna cycle for singapore one day....riding along side joo and dan... but i am so so far from it.

so much to learn... so little time to succeed.

wat makes things worse is that my social circle is starting to fail on me
i am starting to spend less and less time with my friends and i am unfortunately... happier

sad? yah... of cos
after so many yrs of friendship....good times and bad times... i just wanna break away just like that? i feel its not fair for them man

does pursuing your passion in life equals giving up everything else?