after another round of 30km run

Today, as any other wed... woke up at 3am... went all the way to Fort Rd in a MV for a run.
I am officially losing it already(it=the ability to perform in a runner zone during a run)... didn't clock an ideal timing today and really felt like shit there after the run.

i realise today that i have a bad habit of complaining of anything which might affect my run during the run itself, but of course these thoughts will just surface in my head but nv out of my mouth as i always make a conscious effort nv to disrupt ppl's morale with negative thoughts.
well that have been my philosophy of life and remains that way always.

anyway frankly, sometimes i really feel inferior as compared to my man in some ways.
you know when u are working in an org when there are difference in ranks, have you ever had the feelin that someone else is so much better than you but doesn't get the chance to perform???
have u ever have that feeling b4 or am i just been too insecured or really suck at what I do.

It feels good to be called 'Sir' by all of them. feeling is better than clerks and chief clerks, pes C personals calling you sir just for formality sake. being called Sir by ppl u slog with under the hot sun every day( doing endess push up, flutter kicks, leg raises, lunges....) not to mention all the runs, it adds a little assertion that you have to do that little bit more to deserve the title Sir.
I have nv work with NSF unit b4... so perhaps things are very much different there as compared to a always operational unit whereby all the man and commanders are all regulars... cos these ppl i realise and learned along the way cannot be treated as normal man... they are ppl who can think and decide for themselves... little initiation is needed on the leadership part... the man have went thru enough(airborne... Jungle confidence, special unit seletion) to know wats best option avaible for them. ( realise i didn't use knowing the right from wrong cos it contradictory that one will always know the right from wrong.. cos no matter how high u are up on the corporate ladder.. you are borne to make some mistake in judgement once in a while)

anway reason why i feel inferior??? perhaps i have always thought of using my influence to improve watever possible such as trg program, food, lodging etc... however it seems i have lost the desire to do so. why? cos higher management will rather make time to play golf than address these issues, asking them to take following actions will= just telling yourself wat to do...

they need time to think of more impt issues like the following:
when they finally get down to real work, deciding on colour of paper for so called impt event(of cos i can't say wat la) can lead to 7 hrs of debate.
if its the same for other coorporate companies out there... i will start to keep all the advertising leaflets and astart appreciating the number of hrs... brainstorming juice needed to decide on size of paper... colour of it... colour of envelop to go with it... and when the contrast in colour is not there...it will be back to square one again-colour of paper... envelop blah blah blah.)

(anyway i didn't say who or whr it took place ah....)

anyway dudes and dudettes,
.. pls appreciate national day more... perhaps its true that it is the same old stuff everyday... only that its a diff grp of ppl organising it and new set of fresh NSFs clearing all the mess thereafter the event
and keep all the pamplets they sent out... cos lots and lots of effort is put into deciding the content and very little little detail.